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I get asked this question a lot. How can I be a doula, support people through pregnancy, birth, and the postpartum period, if I have never experienced this journey myself?
The short answer? I actually think this specific trait makes me a good doula!
Let me explain…
←- This is my absolutely adorable nephew! I’m obsessed wit him! I like to think I’m a good auntie to all my niblings, especially since I can spoil them as much as I want :P
As someone who has never given birth, I have no preconceived notions about what the experience “should” be like. I didn’t have an amazing birth that I now want everyone else to have too. Nor did I have a super traumatic birth and am now trying to heal by trying to “fix” everyone else’s experience!
Instead, I bring three things that I root my practice in: 1) my trainings, certifications, and evidence-based research, 2) my experience as a doula, and 3) my wonderful birthworker community.
1) I’ve spent the past three years deep diving into birth. I’ve read countless books, attended many trainings (want to know more? See my about page for some of my certifications!), and spend a lot of time researching what the most up-to-date information is about the perinatal period. When clients ask me a question, I root my answer in what the latest evidence says. I’m constantly learning by attending workshops, doing self-paced trainings, and listening to webinars. There’s always a new skill to learn!
2) As of writing this blog, I’ve been to 54 births! I know! I can’t believe it either! I’ve learned something new at each birth - and I specifically take time after each birth to reflect on those lessons. Reflection and growth have added so much to my ability to be a good doula for my clients. Whether it’s a new acupressure point to help with hormonal shaking (learned from a nurse recently!) or new questions to update my prenatal note-catcher (Mel - thanks for “Birth Vibes” by Jen Hamilton!), being a reflective doula helps me be a better doula every day!
and the most important one (in my humble opinion):
3) My wonderful birthworker community! Whether it’s coffee and reflection, text and rant, or just loving hugs, I would not be a good doula without the people around me. The way I love a group chat is wild. I have a few that I lean on often. My coven made up of fellow doula Mel Haley and incredible midwife Carly Ann Marshall-Braun, who are there for the 3am voice notes, 7pm position ideas, or 6am encouragment texts. And the Queer Birthworker Collective signal chat - where I can go for resources, ideas, laughter, and inspiration! Whether it’s breakfast with a newer doula, or lunch with my mentor (shout out Chicago Family Picnic!), I’m constantly learning and growing from the most amazing Chicago birthworker community.
I love families, and work hard every day to show up as my best self to support them. And also I don’t want that life for myself. I don’t think those two ideas work against each other. They just both happen to be true.
And if a family wants a doula who has given birth before? I’ll help them find one! I’m not the right doula for every family, and that’s absolutely OK!
Want to talk about being childless-by-choice? Want to talk about the Chicago birthworker community? Want to connect about doula services? DOPE! I love to talk to people! Reach out here and let’s connect :)
